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Rascal's Ramblings: Holiday gift guide

Everyone's favorite raccoon gives his tips and tricks to winning the holidays
December 15, 2022

Hello again! It's everyone's favorite 6 foot stuffy coming to you with some holiday gift giving suggestions that will wow even the Grinchiest of Scrooges in your life. Give the gift of Responsibility If I've learned anything in my 20 something years on this orb, it's that people love responsibility.

Hello again! It's everyone's favorite 6 foot stuffy coming to you with some holiday gift giving suggestions that will wow even the Grinchiest of Scrooges in your life.

Give the gift of Responsibility

If I've learned anything in my 20 something years on this orb, it's that people love responsibility. That's all I ever hear these days "I want more responsibility." What better gift for the person that craves responsibility in your life than a living, breathing, thing. That's right! Give someone a pet they didn't ask for! It truly is the gift that keeps you giving and giving and giving. Have a coworker feeling under-utilized? Give them a hamster! Have a mother lamenting her lack of grandkids? Give her an entire family of rabbits! They get the burden they desperately crave, and you get to enjoy a brief respite from questions like "Why haven't met a nice girl and settled down?" It's a win-win!

Gift Bags

Look, the holidays are busy. Who has time wrap every gift? Certainly not this raccoon. No, I opt for gift bags. It's the perfect combination of efficiency and laziness for me. A lot of people think that a gift bag has to be decorative. And those people are wrong. A gift bag, by definition, is any bag that contains a gift. So why complicate it? I have a plastic bag full of old plastic bags under my sink. Drop a gift in there and BOOM! You got yourself a gift bag. If you want to jazz it up a bit, you can use duct tape to seal the bag once the gift is in there. Personally, though, I opt for the ol spin and tuck.

Holiday Music

This next one is less of a practical gift and more of a gift suggestion from musicians to the world. Stop remaking old songs. Come up with new songs or get out of the way, buddy! Every year there is a new batch of "Santa Baby" or "Baby, It's Cold Outside" featuring some new artist or some new combination of artists. They don't do anything new or interesting with it. Just "What if same but this person?" It's enough. We have the versions we have. Write something new or take the month off. Looking at you Buble.

Happy Snow Months from Rascal Renegade!